Raven Feathers
by CherryTree
Summary: "Raven?" She gulped. "Yes, Beast Boy?" "Where the hell do you think you're going?" BBRae, the usual warnings for T
1. She Wasn't Ready

**A/N: So here it is: the way overdue BBRae fic. I hope no one is OOC; that is one thing I can't stand, yet seem to struggle with when I'm writing a couple for the first time. For those following Farewell, My Love, a new chapter should be coming out soon. Sorry for the delays, I had a DC trip for school and I lost my flash drive, which just happened to have my emulators and Justice for All on it, and my DS is broken so I can't play it there. Sorry for the endless wait, life is a bitch sometimes.**

**Disclaimer: Teen Titans belongs to DC Comics. If I owned it, there would be a lot more romance and a ton of BBRae…and not all of it innocent…**

XXXXXXXX

Today was the day.

Raven began packing her bags, making sure not to miss a single thing. She had her mirror to Nevermore, her laptop, her diary with the raven feather bookmark from Beast Boy -

Except she didn't have that wonderful feather. It was gone, nowhere in sight. She couldn't ask Beast Boy for another one either - she was avoiding bumping into him, for a very valid reason: she didn't tell him she was moving out of the Tower.

It would break his heart, she knew, but it's only for 6 months. All her emotional turmoil about her feelings were making her break everything around her. Even the game console hadn't escaped her, charred to a brick in the living room. Cyborg wouldn't talk to her for a few days after that, only whispering to the burnt remains, promising over and over again to "never let that empath near you ever again." To say the least, the whole sight was quite worrying, and, dare she say, a little amusing.

The reason for her emotional turmoil was why she wouldn't tell Beast Boy; because, very plain and simple, it's him.

The small brushes of their thighs under the dining table, the way he made her swoon when he smiled, lighting up a room with that still-dorky grin, those looks he gave her when he thought she wasn't looking...

At the age of 23, she was acting like a school girl, fawning over him. It felt a little sickening, but what could she say? She was head over heels, she just didn't know it yet.

Holding up her bags with her powers, she pulled them out with her to the deck. Robin was supposed to be driving her, but when she saw that familiar green skin, she considered bolting.

"Raven?" She gulped.

"Yes, Beast Boy?"

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

There it was; that inevitable anger because she hadn't told him that she's leaving. It just made it more obvious it's because of him.

"I just need some time to meditate."

"'Meditate'?" He shook his head. "If it was just to meditate, you would have told me."

Damn.

"I just...didn't think it was important to you." A huge obvious lie.

"Rae, since when is anything involving you not important to me?"

She knew she was in for it at this point. With that question, feelings could come out, and that is the last thing she wanted right now. She was trying so hard to get away from this, yet here she was, dealing with it head on.

When he didn't hear her answer, he sighed.

"Look, Rae, you know you can't keep running from this. As much as I want to let you go, I can't. I can't live without you, because I lo-"

A hand made of black energy clamped over his mouth, preventing him from saying it. Somewhere in the distance, some glass object exploded.

"Don't you dare say it," she snapped out.

It was all too much. If he confessed his feelings, she wouldn't be able to take it. She lifted up her bags with her powers again, and ran back to her room, never dispelling the black hand until she was out of earshot.

She searched through her bags until she found her mirror, and transported herself to Nevermore.

"Love!" She screamed. "Where the hell are you?!"

When no answer came, she continued through Nevermore, finding the purple-clad emotion rolling around in a flower field with Happy.

"Love, as much as I like the fact that you're trying to be active, what are you thinking? I can't fall in love with Beast Boy!" She heard Love sigh at her, as if everything was so simple and she just couldn't see it.

"Raven, I'm only your emotion. I'm just an embodiment of what you feel. If you really want to know what's going on, maybe you should take it up with yourself."

She knew this was coming. This was all her fault and blaming Love, or even Lust, was not going to solve anything. The problem here was her, and that's what she was afraid of.

Without a word, she took off, running back through the portal to the outside world once again. As much as she wished she didn't have to, she needed to sit down and think.

What could she possibly say? Beast Boy was...idiotic (yet slightly charming), immature (yet cute in his own way), maybe a little handsome (more like smoking hot), and...She stopped. Even though she could see the flaws, they didn't even bother her. In fact, they lead to the things she loved about him.

"Love"? Oh god, did she really-?

No, she refused to think that way. Yet she knew she already has, and that upset her.

Figuring that Beast Boy would be in his room, she traveled down the hallway towards his door. Just standing there felt forbidden. Wanting to get this over with, she knocked firmly on the door.

The door immediately swung open, as if he were expecting her, which probably wasn't very far from the truth.

"Beast Boy, I-"

"C'mon in, Rae."

Warily, she stepped over the threshold, only to be brought with the biggest surprise she'd had in the last few years.

Beast Boy's room was completely spotless. No litter, no clutter...the furniture and walls were even visible. She noticed that the walls have been paint splattered, so unlike the gray walls she assumed would still be there. She took a seat on the bed while he continued to stand.

"Beast Boy?" Her voice was hoarse.

"Yeah, Rae?" She hesitated.

"What's your real name?" He shook his head before pondering it for a moment.

"...Only if you tell me yours." She took a deep breath.

"Rachel Roth," she breathed, hiding under her hood. "I hate it though."

"Lamb, right?" She nodded. "Mine's Garfield Mark Logan."

"Field of spears?" He nodded back. "Charming." He could only grin at her.

"So, Gar, I came he-"

"Wait, 'Gar'?"

"If you don't like it, then I won't call you it."

"No, no, no! I like it!" He practically yelped, waving his hands in front of him. Raven raised her eyebrows, but didn't press.

"As I was saying..." She trailed off, looking deep into his eyes, searching. Finally, she spoke.

"Say it." He knew what she meant right away. His eyes were on the brink of bulging out of their sockets, but he didn't relent.

"I love you, Rae."

"I love you too, Gar." She said, almost a whisper, praying that nothing would explode. She could hear something sizzling, but ignored it.

Garfield stared at her in sheer amazement for a moment before moving toward her, seating himself next to her on the bed. He pulled down her hood and stared into her eyes, as if he could see straight through her. She inwardly gulped.

"Gar?" He began to move his face closer to hers until they could feel each other's breathing.

"Yeah, Rae?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'll tell you when I figure it out."

And then he leaned toward her, and the whole world around her melted. It was sweet and innocent, and she fought to keep it that way. What if she lost control and hurt him?

Breaking away from his sweet, tantalizing lips, she laid down the law.

"Some ground rules, Gar." He sat up, paying full attention to her every word. "Nothing too...intimate. Making out a little is okay, but nothing too serious. Nothing below the waist, and clothes stay on. However, we could do without the belts. Lose it, Gar. It's digging into my hip."

"Okay," he obliged, and, as an afterthought, leant down and gently slipped off her boots. "What about your cape?"

"That's fine," she assured him. "But nothing else."

It was hard on him, she knew, but she had no choice. It was either this, or his life, and he knew that too. Eventually she would be able to handle more, but right now was a little early.

She undid her cape, moving it to the side. Without it, her breasts really showed, betraying her size. His gaze proved her point; his eyes were glued to her chest. She rolled her eyes. Guys are such perverts.

"Are you going to stare at me all day, or are you going to kiss me?" She said in her usual monotone.

He grinned at her, leaning back in once more for a kiss.

This one was a little more passionate, less wary, and involved a little tongue. She knew he was trying his best to control himself, she could feel it in how reserved he was. Somehow, that made her feel bad. She wanted to turn it into more, she really did, but-

Ah, to hell with.

She met him full on, and, as surprised as he was, he still goes along with it. When the need for air arose, she cut it off herself. Somehow he had ended up on top of her. He stared at her, as if pondering what he should say.

"Rae...?" They were both breathing heavy.

"One time thing," she waved her hand dismissively. "Just this once." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than him.

Without a word, he started back into her again, breaking away from her mouth to trail kisses down her jaw, stopping at her neck, asking silent permission. She nodded at his request, drawing down her finger slightly to indicate how much he could.

He drew down the top of her leotard to reveal her neck, instantly nibbling and sucking the sensitive flesh. A tiny, almost inaudible gasp came from Raven. She could see him trying (and failing) to repress the smirk playing at his lips.

Eventually he stopped. A small sound of protest came from her, but he moved to kiss her again.

Slowly, tantalizingly, he trailed his fingers from her jaw, to her neck, and then finally...

She tensed at the soft touch of his hands on her breasts, but melted into a puddle after a few moments. His touch just felt so good, and she was still wearing her leotard. She couldn't help the small sounds that escaped her lips. The pleasure was overwhelming, spreading a fire through her. Fear, however was telling her that it was going too far. She was so afraid of what would happen now, and-

His window shattered.

She broke away from him and took his hands off her chest, never looking in his eyes as she struggled to get out from under him. He pinned her to the bed, her anxiety growing by the second.

"Garfield Mark Logan, if you do not release me right now, I swear I'll-!"

"Rae."

He brought her chin down for her to look him in the eye, but she still refused. How could she not?

For all she knew, it could be him instead of the window, and she just couldn't risk that.

"Raven, look at me." She still declined, struggling even harder at the sound of her name instead of that all too familiar nickname.

"Rachel, please."

She finally looked, resenting herself for being the cause of that hurt face. He would never be able to fully understand why she was distancing herself from people, even him. She needed to protect people from the demon deep inside her that threatened to come out.

"Gar, I can't-"

"Can't what, Rae? It's not your fault. Don't run away from me. I don't know what I'd do without you. We can work it out, I promise. Just stay here with me, please." He was begging her silently now, kissing her hand and holding it to his chest. How can she leave him like this? His face alone has her heartbroken, but that voice, still begging her-

She took him in her arms, holding tight. All in an instant, he tensed, relaxed, and hugged her back just as fiercely.

"Gar...?"

"Hmm?"

"Sorry about your window," she apologized. "I can fix it now, if you want."

"I think it can wait until later..."

She was confused. It would only take a second, after all. But then he drew her into his lap, and she finally understood. Apparently she wasn't the only one who was turned on. A pink blush covered her cheeks, and she shifted around nervously, which definitely wasn't helping with his...problem. She saw him biting his lip to suppress the groan fighting to come out.

"Gar-!" She squeaked.

"Don't act so cute, you're only making it worse." His breath hitched as she shifted again.

"Maybe I should come back later."

"If you go, I won't be able to fix anything." He muttered to himself, but she still heard.

"Seriously?" He nodded, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, then... I guess I'll stay and help you."

"You don't have to do that!" He shook his head frantically. "I'll be fine, really!"

Her eyes narrowed into a sultry gaze, and her mouth formed a sexy pout. Garfield gulped.

"Gar?" Her voice reeked of Lust's silky tone.

"Y-Yes?" She rocked her hips, earning a gasp.

"You sure you want me to leave?"

"I-I, uh..."

"Fine, I'll go."

And just like that, she had vanished from his lap and out the door. He sighed.

"Rae, you are one wicked woman."

XXXXXXXX

Raven started unpacking her bags, telling Robin her change of plans. She still couldn't find her raven feather though, no matter where she looked. Sighing, she ventured into the common room to find Garfield. As expected, he was trying to best Cyborg at another racing game. His car crashed, and she used the opportunity.

"Beast Boy?" Raven could have sworn she saw him bristling like a cat, but, oddly, not because of his loss.

"Yeah, Rae?" He turns to her.

"A moment, please."

"Sure."

Cyborg watched utterly confused as the empath lead the changeling down the hall.

"Man, what'd I miss?"

XXXXXXX

Raven lead Garfield to her bedroom. Opening the door, she invited him in, but he shuffled his feet at the doorway, hesitating.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Sorry, Rae, it's just your room-"

"My room is like Halloween, I know." She sighed.

"No! No, it's just...your scent is everywhere, and it's a little intimidating. Not in a bad way, just...you know?" She nodded, recalling what he had once told her about scent.

_'In the animal kingdom, if a predator has left a scent, the other lesser predators know to back off.' _

Didn't that make her a bigger predator than him, though?

"Gar, you can come in. I don't bite."

He finally stepped inside, if not uneasily, but he still stood awkwardly, not bothering to sit. Shaking her head, she pulled him down to sit on the bed next to her.

"Rae?"

"Hm?"

"Why did you call me Beast Boy just now?"

"Oh..." So that's why he was acting weird. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to call you Gar in front of other people or not. You were touchy about telling me your name, so I wasn't really sure."

"You actually thought about that? I'm so touched!" He said, mockingly holding his hands to his chest. She responded by whacking him with a pillow. He laughed, grabbing the pillow from her and tossing it to the side before creeping on top of her. A blush covered her cheeks.

"Gar-!"

"See, it's cuter when you say it."

"Shut up." He chuckled, low and deep.

"So what did you wanna talk about, anyway?"

She blinked. "Huh?"

"You know, the reason you called me here?"

Oh, right.

"I lost the raven feather you gave me." It was his turn to blink now.

"You kept that?" She nodded. "I thought you threw it away or something."

"Obviously not." Her monotone came out again.

"No problem," He said cheerfully. "I can get you another easily."

"Good to know." She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"So..."

"Yes?"

"Where were we?"

Before she could utter a comeback, his lips were on hers.

It was sweeter and more innocent than last time. He held her carefully, rubbing her arms soothingly. He knew how distressed she was about last time, even if she didn't say anything outright. They broke away slowly this time, trying to savor the feeling.

"Gar, I-"

"Shhh..." He hushed her, enveloping her in his arms.

And for the first time since she was a child, Raven cried.

XXXXXXX

**A/N: This took months to write, and I still feel like it's nowhere near done. So this is technically "complete", but there might be another chapter to this, depending on where my writing takes me. Most likely there will be a companion fic instead, but I can't say for sure. I'm not proud of this at all, but I decided to post it anyway, because yolo! :P**

**Seriously though, this is not my best work at all, so please don't judge my writing off of this. If there is a companion fic or another chapter, it will be a lot better than this. Maybe it won't break the 2,000 word count like this one, but who knows? Anyway, hope you enjoyed this even if it is really sucky compared to how I write now. This was written a long time ago, and my writing has changed since then, so I beg you to read my current stories if they interest you because this is really crappy. '^_^**

**Well see ya loves, hope for the best! 3**


	2. She Had To Go

Raven wasn't a weak person.

She never cried, never showed any indication of inner turmoil or let it affect her powers. She was in perfect control, and she liked to keep it that way. Thus all the meditating and distancing herself from others. She didn't despise any of her friends, she just wanted to protect them.

But then came Beast Boy.

Now, don't get her wrong here; she loved him, she really did. The only problem was, how in the world could they be together without her powers freaking out?

Dropping down hard on the common room floor, Raven groaned, rubbing her now-sore bottom. She really couldn't focus like this. Her thoughts were running too wild, and it was becoming impossible to reign them in long enough to actually meditate.

Then her boyfriend walked in, for once a welcome distraction. He eyed her curiously when he saw her on the floor, setting down her tea on the table. He quirked an eyebrow, questioning look across his face as he plopped down on the couch. When she didn't say anything, he asked.

"Was that big thud you just now?" Raven sighed.

"Sadly, yes." She stretched, getting up to sip on her tea.

"Can't meditate, huh?" She shook her head, taking a seat on the couch next to him. "You'll work it out, you always do." He reassured her, wrapping his arm around her. She didn't argue with him about the possibilities. She knew what he would say, and even if she never brought it up, the thought was still reassuring enough.

"Thanks for the tea, by the way." She mumbled. To him, it was loud and clear. Apologies and thank you's were rare things for Raven. Not that he minded that; she would show him gratitude or say she was sorry in another way. He chuckled, remembering the last time.

"What?" She asked, looking at him like he was a madman.

"Remember when you made me that chart?" She instantly blushed, pushing him aside to sip at her tea nervously.

"What else was I supposed to do? I wasn't just going to lay myself bare in front of you."

"You sure? Cause you seemed pretty eager to-" she swatted his arm, making him flinch and then chuckle.

"Hush." She scolded, blushing and looking up pointedly at the rest of the team entering the room, pulling up her hood. Raven got up to prepare for Starfire's usual over enthusiastic greeting. She then proceeded to be smushed by the Tarmanian's bone-crushing hug.

"Friend Raven, you must see what I got at the mall of shopping!" She pulled her towards her room, Raven looking back to give what Beast Boy had learned was her look of her apology. He smiled back, waving her away. He knew she smiled back at him, even though he couldn't see it under her hood.

Starfire dragged Raven to her room, eagerly laying out all her purchases for the empath to see. Then came out the Victoria's Secret bag, Starfire commenting on how weird Earth garments were. Starfire hadn't been wearing a bra when she first came to Earth, something Raven fixed ASAP.

"Friend Raven, do you think Robin will like these?" She asked, pointing to a set.

"Hold on, you and Robin are doing that?"

Starfire simply nodded. "It's glorious! Haven't you and Friend Beast Boy?"

Raven gulped. "No."

"You should try."

"Okay, um...I don't mean to get into your business, but you're using protection right?" Raven glanced away. This was not the conversation she was expecting, and she was definitely no expert on the subject besides what she had read, but she was still worried about Starfire. She had never really gone over this with her.

"Robin uses condoms."

"Well, I guess we'll have to take a trip to whatever gynecologist will see us to get birth control. I might as well get it too."

"Okay!"

Raven was glad that conversation was over, waiting until Star had finished before she escaped to her room. Beast Boy was already there, and she collapsed into his embrace gratefully.

"That was the most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life." She groaned. He laughed, kissing the top of her head.

"Do I even want to ask?"

"No, you don't."

"I'll take your advice."

He released her to let her try to meditate. Of course, it was pointless and only a moment after she floated off the ground, she landed hard on it yet again. Sighing, she looked up to see him staring at her. She knew that look too well.

Getting up, she strode towards him, lowering her hood and instantly touching her lips to his when she reached him. The kiss was passionate and full of wanting. She knew that she probably shouldn't have done it since she was having a hard time meditating, but it was so natural. She couldn't go a day without kissing him, and she had a feeling he couldn't do likewise either.

She broke away, simply letting him hold her. He inhaled her scent; the smell of books, candles, lavender, and vanilla filling his senses.

"I probably need to leave to meditate for a few days."

"I know."

"You probably shouldn't come."

"I know."

"...I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you so much it hurts."

She smiled.

"I know."

XXXXXXX

The wind whipped through her short hair, sending a few violet silk strands astray. Her bags lied at her feet, not giving him any doubt or hope that she had changed her mind.

They watched the sunrise, the last one they would see together for a short while. He tried not to think about it and just enjoyed the moment.

Every once in a while, he'd wake up early and find her here, just as the sun was coming up. She would turn to him with a rare smile and sometimes even greet him with a good morning kiss if she was in a good mood, which was more and more often lately. Sure, the moments she showed it were few and far in between, but they were there nonetheless, and that was good enough for him. Raven wasn't one to show affection outside of closed doors or empty rooms. Sometimes, he wished he could show her off to others, but at the same time, he wanted her all to himself, so it was okay anyway. He blamed the animal sides of him.

"Hey, Gar?" He snapped from his reverie to give her eye contact instead of just randomly staring at her like he was a moment ago.

"What's up, Rae?" He could tell she was about to correct him for calling her by her nickname, but she stopped short, shaking her head while he held in a laugh.

"I..." She faltered. He was really paying attention now, as she hardly ever said something she thought was risky or embarrassing. He stepped closer to her to envelop her in a hug, and she sighed in contentment, all the tension leaving her shoulders. She never really told him, but this was when she felt the safest.

"I love you."

His breath hitched in her ear, and she could feel his emotions pouring like a waterfall into her from his body around hers. She never said it first; it was always him.

"I love you too."

XXXXXX

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME**

**I'm usually not one to leave my readers hanging like this, but for some reason I just feel like this is going to be one of those stories. But I feel really bad about that because holy crap guys this story has 42 favorites. This was received much better than I really ever hoped, so it makes me feel really bad that this has been pretty still for a good 4 months now. **

**This has actually been finished for a while, but I wanted to take the time to write the other chapter before I posted this one so I don't leave everyone with zilch for another four months. Sooo the next one will probably be posted by at most next month.**

**Oh, and I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but there is a sort of time gap between this chapter and the first one. That's why I wanted to make this a companion fic, but then I thought that everyone who didn't follow might not see it, so I'm posting this as a second chapter. It's whithin a good few months at least though. I don't know, I just felt that with the way the last one ended, the time gap was sort of necessary. Feel free to yell at me about it though.**

**Okay that's enough because this AN is very long. See ya loves! 3**


	3. She'll Be Worth It

"She's gone?"

"Yeah."

He was still staring at the spot she was occupying only moments ago, hoping that if maybe he stood there long enough, wished her back, that she would still be there, like she had never left. As immature as he could be, he knew that it wasn't possible, but it didn't stop him from trying.

The leader of the Titans sighed, sitting on the edge of the roof, letting his feet dangle. The green skinned teen could see his cape fluttering in the wind out of the corner of his eye. Silence was the only sound besides the wind for a few moments before Robin spoke.

"She'll be back soon."

"Yeah."

His voice sounded empty, as if seeing her leave took the life from him. His eyes drained of color, he turned to watch the sun rise higher into the sky.

"Hey Rob?"

"Yeah?"

He paused. "...How do you know you want to spend your life with someone?"

**XXXXXXX**

No one said anything to him at breakfast, not even Starfire. She simply gave him a reassuring smile before chatting with Robin and Cyborg.

He felt like he was in a silent movie. His world had turned black and white and deafening silent. Cliche as it sounded, Raven brought color to his world, filling it with the occasional laughter if he was lucky enough.

He tried to play games with Cyborg, but his heart wasn't in it. He slept for the rest of the day. No one disturbed him.

Well, at least he though so until he was woken up by someone lightly shaking him. He mumbled grumpily that he was up, until he felt the familiar gesture of fingers tucking his hair behind his ear and tugging on it lightly, playfully. He shot up in excitement, nearly bonking heads with the person he recognized as none other than a certain empath.

"Raven, what are you doing here? What time is it? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? What-"

He was silenced by her hand covering his mouth.

"Shh," she shushed, slowly taking her hand away. "I figured it out."

"But how? You were barely gone a day! I thought it was going to take a weeks!"

She sat down on his bed, playing with the sheets absentmindedly.

"After I left, I started thinking about us. The first time we met."

Beast Boy made a face. "Oh."

She made a similar face, but smiled after. "I know. But I realized why I can't focus."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Care to share?"

A rare blush spread across her features, and she glanced away.

At first Beast Boy furrowed his brows in confusion. What could possibly make Raven blush? She only blushed when he teased her about...

"Oh." It clicked. When they got together. Going too far. Raven crying.

But still, what did...?

"_Oh_." Another lightbulb, the final piece of the puzzle. "You don't mean...?"

"Yeah." She was still refusing to look at him. "We have to do...that."

With a sigh, he took her face in his hands, tilting her head to look at me him. Pressing a sweet kiss to her lips, he smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry. Whenever you're ready, we will. No pressure."

She nodded, melting at the crooked smile he gave her.

"We should do it somewhere else. I don't want to fry your CD player again." He grimaced at that one, and she laughed.

A glance at the clock revealed it was three in the morning. "I don't know about you, Rae, but I'm exhausted and would really like to cuddle and sleep now."

"My name has two syllables, Garfield."

A few moments and rustling of covers later, the couple was drifting off in a peaceful sleep.

**XXXXXXX**

_"You'll know. Because you won't be able to stand staying away from that person. You'll never get tired of them. Every day is better because they're with you. You might have the occasional spat every now and then, sure, but in the end, it'll be worth it, because your relationship will only be stronger because of it. If you know that's how you feel about someone, don't let them get away. Hold onto them. Because there will be a day when you realize that they feel the same, when they say yes. And if that's how you feel about Raven, Beast Boy, then this tiny little few weeks should mean nothing. Because in the end, she'll be worth it. She always will be."_

**XXXXXXX**

**A/N: I wish I have an explanation for this, I really do. I had everything written, I thought I had it all together, but then I read it over, and...nope. I wasn't feeling it. I scraped it and came up with this sorry excuse for a chapter. Feel free to throw tomatoes at me this time, cause I deserve it. **

**I've always had this headcannon that Robin is like Beast Boy's mentor, giving him relationship advice and stuff? Eh, anyway. **

**Oh, and I meant to say it last chapter, but I know Rachel is just Raven's fake name. I appreciate the info guys, but I already knew. Just go with the flow will ya? XP**

**Well, see ya loves. Stay frosty X3**


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